The Art of Aging Gracefully with The Matzkins
Aging gracefully is about remaining in loving connection and connecting to our sense of purpose to sustain our well-being. Many of us worry about the physical changes that come with getting older, and it's natural to wonder how to keep our health, happiness, and sense of purpose as the years tick by. An elder that we met in Hawaii truly embodied that vibrance that comes with aging gracefully named Auntie Margaret Kalehuamakaneoluluuonapali Machado.
Auntie Margaret is a renowned teacher of Lomi Lomi, the ancient Hawaiian art of massage and healing bodywork. Auntie Margaret's school is in a small old wooden fisherman's house right on the picture postcard perfect, palm tree studded beach at Kealakekua Bay on the big island of Hawaii. People from all over the world come to learn this traditional form of healing from her.
Table of Contents
Auntie Margaret greeted us on the porch with a smile on her face, wearing a colorful Hawaiian muumuu. Around her neck and in her hair were many garlands of fragrant flowers called leis. She exuded warmth and naturalness. We sat on the porch overlooking the ocean for a long time, enjoying each other's company, the soft breezes, and peaceful setting. Auntie spoke about how important it is for people to be touched in a loving way. We were blessed and honored when Auntie Margaret blessed us both with a healing, and we were able to share her love through the teachings of her hands.
Auntie Margaret was 81 at the time that we met her yet she exuded love and vibrant mana, which is the Hawaiian word for life force. In that moment, she was serving as a true elder, reminding us that aging comes with gifts. She reminded us that connecting in a loving way, and exchanging love touch are essential to our sustained well-being.
What aging gracefully means varies for everyone, but the foundation is universal: loving connection and meaningful exchanges.
THE ART OF AGING
Celebrating the Authentic Aging Self
by Alice & Richard Matzkin
In their award-winning book, The Art of Aging, painter Alice Matzkin and sculptor Richard Matzkin share the wisdom of elder mentors to look for the positive side of growing older and coming to accept and appreciate their aging.
Throughout this beautiful and touching book, the couple explores the experience of aging through their paintings, sculptures and writings. In a series of projects that confront their fear and curiosity about growing old, they examine physical changes, sensuality and relationships, aging parents, spirituality, and death. Drawing on their personal experiences and the wisdom of older mentors, they conclude that the elder years can be a time of ripening and harvest rather than stagnation and despair. Their art features well-known people such as feminist Betty Friedan and potter Beatrice Wood, friends, neighbors, relatives, and themselves. Both artists find a source of creativity in the older nude body. This profusely illustrated book contains a wealth of inspiration, especially for those about to enter their later years.
Alice later went on Oprah to talk about how she felt when she realized she was getting older and what inspired her to create the paintings found in our book The Art of Aging: Celebrating the Authentic Aging Self. You can watch that video here:
Aging Gracefully Quotes:
"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art."
— Eleanor Roosevelt
"The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes."
— Frank Lloyd Wright
"You don't get older, you get better."
— Shirley Bassey
Redefining Aging
We often speak of aging as a slow surrender, a gradual fading into the background. Books tell you to combat the aging process with anti-aging trends. But in our living laboratory of forty years together, Alice and I have discovered something quite different. Aging is a process of ripening. It is the season where the fruit becomes sweetest, where the wine gains its depth, and where the soul finally finds its true shape.
Aging Gracefully does not mean avoiding the wrinkles or pretending the winter of life is still spring. It means embracing the texture of time. When we look at Alice’s paintings or my sculptures, we see the same truth: the most beautiful works are those that bear the marks of their making. They carry the weight of history, the scars of struggle, and the light of endurance.
I remember when I was young, I thought love was about finding someone to complete me. I had three failed marriages before I met Alice, chasing a feeling of wholeness that I hoped another person could provide. It took me decades to realize that love is not about what you can get, but what you can give. That shift—from the immature "What can I receive?" to the mature "What can I offer?"—is the secret to aging gracefully. It is the moment we stop trying to hold onto who we were and start becoming who we are meant to be.
Aging gracefully requires us to let go of the ego’s desperate grip on the youthful past and celebrate the now. It asks us to trade the need for validation for the quiet confidence of wisdom. It invites us to become mentors, to share the stories that have shaped us, and to offer our hands to those walking the path behind us. As Julia Alvarez once said, "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." But I would add that the future also belongs to those who honor the beauty of their past.
In our book The Art of Aging, we explore the concept of Mana—the life force that does not fade but transforms. It is the energy that flows from Auntie Margaret in Hawaii, from the laughter shared over coffee, from the silence that speaks louder than words. It is the realization that we are not losing ourselves; we are shedding the layers that no longer serve us to reveal the core that has always been there.
So, how do we age gracefully? We begin by giving. We give our time, our attention, our forgiveness, and our love. We give without expecting anything in return, knowing that the act of giving itself is the reward. We give because we know that the only way to truly keep something is to let it go.
This is the promise we made to each other, not just as partners, but as fellow travelers on this journey. It is the promise to grow old together, not in spite of the years, but because of them. It is the promise to face the winter with open arms, ready to embrace the snow, the frost, and the quiet beauty of the season.
As you move through your own years, I invite you to ask yourself: What can I give today? How can I ripple out into the world with the wisdom I have gathered? How can I be a warrior for kindness, a guardian of love, and a witness to the miracle of growing older?
The art of aging gracefully is not a destination; it is a practice. It is a daily choice to see the beauty in the broken, to find the light in the shadow, and to trust that the best is yet to come. It is the courage to say, "I am here, I am whole, and I am ready."
Let us walk this path together, hand in hand, heart to heart. Let us ripen, let us deepen, let us love.
About Richard Matzkin
About Alice Matzkin
Frequently Asked Questions
Most people I talk to want to know about daily habits, skincare, nutrition, exercise, stress management, and how to keep a good self-image as they age. It makes sense—these are the things that really matter for staying healthy and confident over the years.
What daily habits help you look and feel your best as you get older?
Each day, I connect with my partner and express my love for them, I write to contribute a meaningful legacy to my readers, and I create in my art studio to express my identity as an artist.
Which skincare ingredients and routines support healthy, radiant skin over time?
I keep my routine simple: gentle products that protect, not irritate. Sunscreen is my top anti-aging tool—yes, even on cloudy days. Hydration matters for my skin, too. I use gentle cleansers and moisturizers to keep my skin's barrier healthy. When I'm outside, I throw on protective clothing for extra defense. I steer clear of harsh products that strip away natural oils. And again, regular skin checks matter more than any fancy cream. Prevention beats cure every time.
How can nutrition and hydration choices support energy, mood, and a youthful glow?
I try to eat foods that actually nourish me. Fresh, frozen, or canned fruits and veggies pack in the vitamins and antioxidants I need. Lean proteins—think fish and beans—help keep my muscles strong. I go for whole grains, at least three ounces a day, for steady energy. Three servings of low-fat or fat-free dairy with vitamin D keep my bones solid. I like olive oil and other healthy fats for my skin and brain. I avoid highly processed stuff loaded with sugar and salt. Those foods just don't give me what my body needs, and I feel the difference.
What types of exercise are best for maintaining strength, flexibility, and balance with age?
I play the drums for performances and I aim for two and a half to five hours of moderate exercise each week. Walking, swimming, dancing, and cycling all get my heart pumping—no gym required. Twice a week, I do muscle-strengthening moves that hit all the major muscle groups. Balance training is becoming a bigger priority for me, honestly, since I want to avoid falls. Moderate walks and hikes are my go-to for staying active and enjoying some nature. Group classes make exercise more social, which keeps it interesting.
How do stress management and quality sleep influence long-term health and appearance?
Unmanaged stress really does speed up aging and raises my risk for anxiety, depression, and heart trouble. I rely on relaxation techniques—meditation, breathing exercises, yoga—to help me cope. Exercise helps me manage stress and sleep better. I notice my body repairs itself and I feel more refreshed when I get enough sleep. Talking things out with friends makes tough times easier. And honestly, doing things I enjoy is the best stress relief I know. Mindfulness practices like meditation or tai chi help me focus, remember better, and stay emotionally balanced. I think they even give my immune system a boost and might lower my dementia risk, though I'm no scientist.
How can you embrace changing looks with confidence and a positive, self-loving mindset?
I've noticed that just accepting my age, instead of fighting every little change, actually makes me feel better—physically and mentally. There's even research out there suggesting people with positive attitudes about aging tend to live longer and enjoy life more. Makes you think, right? For me, aging gracefully isn't about chasing my 20-year-old self. It's more about focusing on health, happiness, and honestly, just feeling good in my own skin. I try to keep up with hobbies and activities that light me up. Being around people I love, doing things that make me smile—those are the moments that matter most. Sometimes, worries about getting older hit hard. When that happens, I reach out to someone I trust, or I'll talk to a doctor or counselor if I need extra support. No shame in that.